I have been sitting at this computer for about an hour...closer to two hours. I have checked Facebook, Twitter, updated our family's wish list for Christmas...just went to go email my husband the URLs of those...did some blog reading...thought about shopping...RESISTANCE!
There! I did it again. Added a duvet cover and sheets to our wish list. WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?!?!
When the girls go to bed at night and I am here at my computer looking for relaxation...there are so many things that I swear I should be doing. And by SHOULD I mean, the things i hate myself for not doing.
Here they are, most likely in order:
1. Writing. Anything. A blog post for a blog that doesn't exist, a book because I think that's what I'm supposed to be doing, a to-do list because my mind is spinning, new years resolutions because i crave focus and feel bad about the amount of take out I eat, a letter to my daughters because they will never remember this time in their lives and I want them to know how much they are loved and how beautiful they are and how they will never understand how deeply, profoundly, poetically PERFECT they are because by time they started getting LIFETIME INGRAINED MEMORIES, they will be of semi-traumatic feelings usually centered around "I'm not enough" and they will not remember a time when they were 100% unaware of their ego and other people's perceptions of their human bodies and any perceived flaws they invent for themselves because of something maybe someone else said once.
2. Accounting. Because I cannot stop doing accounting. How are we spending our money, how much do we have, how much is coming in, what is our debt, what can we pay, are we in the stock market, how much to retire, where do we go from here, what was that charge at CVS for? I am so afraid of being in trouble financially that I am obsessed with counting our money and making sure we're not overspending (we are), undersaving (we are), or ignoring our balances (we are not).
3. Meditation. Whatever.
4. Sorting Photos and making progress on my photo goals. This takes way too much decision making power from my brain and by night time I am way too tired to do this. But I have slowly...oh....so....slowly...been doing this and it's fantastic to know I've started even though I don't think I will be done for another 10 years. Or "caught up" not 'done'...
5. Listen to Eminem's new album. Ok 2.5 hours later and I am finally doing it. Oh my god...his VOICE.
